5 Key Toxic Traits in a Relationship

The key to a happy life is to have functional and satisfying relationships. Relationships meet important needs such as finding comfort, receiving support, and being able to love and be loved by others. Your work could be going great, but if your relationships are falling apart, constantly embroiled in conflict, or exhibiting toxic traits, you probably won’t feel like you’re flourishing. Having healthy relationships is an important human need we all need to get fulfilled.

A person can get trapped in an unhealthy relationship for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it’s a close relationship like a mother-daughter relationship, or it’s a broken relationship between siblings.

You don’t choose your family, and you can find yourself in difficult situations that are hard to escape. In other cases, you can be caught in an unhealthy relationship like a marriage, and children are involved. Extricating yourself from that dynamic is often difficult.

Unhealthy relationships can develop over time, or there can be a rapid shift in the relationship caused by something like a chronic illness. Whatever the case may be, being able to tell when a relationship is toxic is helpful. Those warning bells should get you moving toward addressing the issues in the relationship.

Signs of a toxic relationship.

You might be in a toxic relationship if you see or experience the following:

• You feel tired or drained after interacting with that person.
• You feel resentful of the person, but you don’t feel comfortable expressing your feelings.
• Your self-esteem and sense of worth have taken a dip or dive since the other person came into your life.
• You’re stressed and overwhelmed, and part of the reason is the sheer amount of time and energy that you pour into the relationship.
• You feel isolated from other people, and unhappy about your current situation.
• You feel like you’ve changed, and not for the better, since being with the other person.
• Friends, family, and colleagues have mentioned that you’ve changed, become more withdrawn, less energetic, and unsure of yourself since entering the relationship.

These signs may indicate that you could be in a toxic relationship, and a Christian counselor can help you.

Important toxic traits to watch .

Some of the toxic traits that can mark any relationship include the following.

Anger issues.

Anger is a natural emotion that every person feels at one point or another in their life. The issue with anger is that if it’s excessive, or poorly controlled and expressed, it can create an unhealthy and ungodly environment (James 1:19-20).

If you’re in a relationship with someone in which he or she is always angry, and you feel physically or emotionally unsafe in the relationship, that’s not a healthy relationship. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t express your opinion or that you must constantly walk on eggshells because of what will happen if you anger him or her.

Constant criticism.

One of the beautiful things about being in a relationship is that it provides you with support. We all go through tough times, and we need people in our corner to spur us on amid challenges. When you’re doubting yourself, you need someone who’ll remind you of the gifts God has given you and urge you to keep pressing on toward your goals.

A toxic trait in a relationship is constant criticism, which is the opposite of support. It could be criticism about your weight, your relationships, your career choices. It isn’t a gentle nudge or a constructive push, but a relentless assault on parts of who you are or the choices you’ve made.

Constant conflict.

Every healthy relationship has some conflict in it. People will always have a difference of opinion, and that’s fine. Misunderstandings happen, and that too is part of life. However, if you find you’re constantly engaged in conflict, and if that conflict also includes name-calling, silent treatment, or manipulation, that’s a toxic trait.

It’s one-sided.

Relationships are a two-way street. It’s likely never a true 50-50 split in any relationship, but there should be a good bit of give and take for the relationship to be healthy. If you’re either always giving or always taking, you should examine that relationship.

This might look like setting aside your needs and priorities to meet the other person’s needs, whether you’ve been asked, or you feel a compulsion to just do so. It could also be that your opinion doesn’t count in the relationship. That’s problematic.

Gaslighting and control.

If you’re in a relationship where your boundaries aren’t being respected. If your counterpart tries to make you doubt your reality or your memory, that’s a toxic trait in a relationship. If you find yourself second-guessing your judgment a little too much and relying a bit too much on the other person and his or her opinions, that might not be healthy.

Getting help with toxic traits in relationships.

Your story and your situation can be redeemed. The God who created you, loves you and wants the best for you can intervene in your situation and help restore your relationships. Alternately, God might give you strength and wisdom to walk away from toxicity. Speak with a trusted friend or with a professional Christian counselor to get the help you need to deal appropriately with a toxic relationship.