Kate Motaung, Loma Linda Christian Counseling

Setting Essential Boundaries in Dating

Setting Essential Boundaries in Dating

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:07:12+00:00October 23rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When you start a relationship with someone, you’re in an exciting and at times bewildering period of discovery. Not only are you discovering more about the person you’re with, but you’re also finding out more about yourself. Certain people bring out things in us that other people couldn’t, and so it’s likely that you’re finding out more about yourself too. This is why boundaries in dating are so important. As you embark upon this journey of discovery, you must remain true to who you are even as you explore new possibilities and are stretched. That can be a tricky balance to maintain, but it is important to manage in a relationship. When you’re in love with someone, you can be swept up by your emotions and the sheer weight of your intimacy into situations that compromise you. The value of boundaries. Boundaries matter, and one reason for this is that your individuality matters. You are who you are, with your distinct personality, likes and dislikes, things that energize and deflate you, and so much more. Boundaries help you maintain that integrity so that you don’t become a mere extension of another person. You can remain yourself and be able to meet your needs in the relationship. All healthy relationships need boundaries so that the people in them don’t collapse into one another to become an indistinguishable mass. It’s important to set healthy boundaries in dating because that sets the tone for your relationship going forward. If the boundaries you have are unworkable for one or both of you, then it’s likely that you will have the same issue later in your relationship. Some boundaries to set when dating. You can set boundaries around different areas of your life. Sometimes you don’t know that you already have a boundary until [...]

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Women’s Insecurities: Substituting Worry for Peace and Laughter

Women’s Insecurities: Substituting Worry for Peace and Laughter

Valeria Arias, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:40:03+00:00August 21st, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Many women will admit to struggling with insecurities. The ageless question of “Am I enough?” can plague a woman’s mental and emotional wellbeing. As difficult as it is to deal with these women’s insecurities, living in the age of social media only adds fuel to the fire. Women deal with a society that flaunts its successes and either hides or ridicules people’s mistakes. This adds to the pressures of living up to vague and intangible ideals. Areas of women’s insecurities. A woman may struggle with insecurities in many areas. They affect fears for her personal safety and concerns about her social status, relationships, or sense of self. She may wonder whether the people around her accept her or secretly judge her appearance or actions. This will affect the way she views herself, how she dresses, the way she behaves, what she shares on social media, and so much more. These issues aren’t only isolated to women, but many women find themselves struggling with one or several of the following insecurities. Identity issues. The question “Who am I?” is a perennial one in women’s insecurities. A woman often finds herself asking what roles she should occupy in a turbulent culture. Loud voices on one side say she should pursue radical independence coupled with sexual freedom, career and professional achievement. Other voices are urging the pursuit of more traditional roles. There is enormous pressure to do it all, and there’s no shortage of ideas about what that means. Many women juggle career and family in an impossible circus act that leaves them emotionally and mentally worn out. There is much internal and external pressure to be the perfect mom, lover, or friend, even though this is not achievable. Society sends women mixed messages, which can lead to a deep sense of [...]

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5 Key Toxic Traits in a Relationship

5 Key Toxic Traits in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:09:07+00:00August 4th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Family Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The key to a happy life is to have functional and satisfying relationships. Relationships meet important needs such as finding comfort, receiving support, and being able to love and be loved by others. Your work could be going great, but if your relationships are falling apart, constantly embroiled in conflict, or exhibiting toxic traits, you probably won’t feel like you’re flourishing. Having healthy relationships is an important human need we all need to get fulfilled. A person can get trapped in an unhealthy relationship for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it’s a close relationship like a mother-daughter relationship, or it’s a broken relationship between siblings. You don’t choose your family, and you can find yourself in difficult situations that are hard to escape. In other cases, you can be caught in an unhealthy relationship like a marriage, and children are involved. Extricating yourself from that dynamic is often difficult. Unhealthy relationships can develop over time, or there can be a rapid shift in the relationship caused by something like a chronic illness. Whatever the case may be, being able to tell when a relationship is toxic is helpful. Those warning bells should get you moving toward addressing the issues in the relationship. Signs of a toxic relationship. You might be in a toxic relationship if you see or experience the following: You feel tired or drained after interacting with that person. You feel resentful of the person, but you don’t feel comfortable expressing your feelings. Your self-esteem and sense of worth have taken a dip or dive since the other person came into your life. You’re stressed and overwhelmed, and part of the reason is the sheer amount of time and energy that you pour into the relationship. You feel isolated from other people, and unhappy about your current [...]

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Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness in Motherhood

Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness in Motherhood

Valeria Arias, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:40:21+00:00July 22nd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Motherhood alters your identity. No longer are you an individual, only responsible for your needs, wants, and whims. As a mother, you become responsible for another person and everything he or she needs. That includes physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs as well as teaching them how to grow. That is a big responsibility, and one liable to loneliness. Handling this responsibility paired with the effects of shifting your entire identity can be challenging. Many times, it leaves moms feeling lonely. This loneliness is not necessarily indicative of being alone (although that can be part of it), but it stems from the isolation many women feel as they walk through this process. If you are a mother experiencing loneliness, you should know that you are not alone. Many women feel the same way. This loneliness is not inevitable. There are simple, practical things you can do to combat loneliness. But first, you need to understand it. Are moms really lonely? Identifying and understanding loneliness in moms is challenging because it often seems like moms are never actually alone. But we cannot equate loneliness with whether there are other people around you. Loneliness is more of a feeling than a physical presence. Loneliness stems from a gap that people feel between the connection and support they desire and what they perceive having in their actual life. It is the feelings associated with this gap that create and breed loneliness. For moms, this gap can be felt for a variety of reasons: Constant caring for children. Juggling caring for children with work. Feeling overwhelmed. Lacking time to connect with other people on a meaningful level. Exhaustion limiting ability to connect with people. Struggling to find people that they can connect with. In a Harvard study from 2020, 51% of moms with [...]

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Moving from Unrighteous Anger to Righteous Anger: Bible Verses About Anger

Moving from Unrighteous Anger to Righteous Anger: Bible Verses About Anger

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:09:10+00:00July 7th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Do you experience righteous or unrighteous anger? When you experience anger, it shapes how you relate to it and how you act when you’re angry. Having an angry parent that acts out can provide an unhealthy blueprint for how to deal with anger when you grow up. Thankfully, that blueprint isn’t something you’re destined to follow; it’s possible to overcome what’s been modeled for you and deal with life’s circumstances in a healthy way, with the help of these Bible verses about anger. For some people, anger is a part of themselves that they keep shut away from public view. This may be because they struggle to deal with conflict, or because they fear what may happen if they get angry and let that anger loose. One possible result of holding anger back in this way is that it can affect their mental and physical health, and that’s to say nothing of the resentment toward others that often accompanies repressed anger. For others, their anger is often in full view, and they hold nothing back. When they are angry, everyone knows it. Perhaps they regret the things they’ve said and done in anger, or they may feel justified for giving full vent to their anger and see nothing wrong with expressing that anger in colorful ways. Typically, venting your anger can cause you to say and do hurtful things, compromising or even breaking relationships. Your relationship with anger may color how you read Bible verses about anger; maybe it strikes you as odd that God gets angry because you see anger as an evil thing. Perhaps being told to control your anger seems like an impossible command – one that you feel stifles a part of your identity. Bible Verses About Anger Whatever your history and relationship with anger, [...]

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How to Manage Anger in a God-Honoring Way

How to Manage Anger in a God-Honoring Way

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:09:16+00:00May 25th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

We all get angry. To be human is for things with friends or family, or situations around us, to stir up emotions within us. There are unhealthy ways to manage our anger, such as we stuff and pretend we are not upset. Or we can blow up, yell at our spouse, the children, or the dog, and leave a trail of emotionally broken glass. When we do not properly deal with our anger it only gets worse. Our repression of anger can lead to health issues. We can develop muscle and back problems and experience increased heart rates. Anger can also affect our mental health. To deny you get angry is to lie to yourself. But blowing up on those around us is also just as bad. Our outbursts can escalate, they can become more frequent, or we might find ourselves going off on smaller and smaller things. Though we all get angry, Ephesians 4 tells us, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (vs. 26-27, NIV) This means we must manage our anger in healthy and productive ways. Often, we are angry, and we do not know why. It could be something on the news, the dog misbehaving, or a child not checking in like they are supposed to. While that might be what our ire (or silent seething) is focused on, it is often not why we are upset. To be able to manage our anger healthily, we must identify why we feel mad. Anger is a masking emotion. It covers up feelings of vulnerability, sadness, disappointment, or resentment (among others). To get at why we are angry, we need to identify what we are feeling. One easy [...]

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5 Bible Verses to Combat Fear

5 Bible Verses to Combat Fear

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:10:12+00:00May 19th, 2023|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

We live in frightening times, although likely no more so than previously in history. Life on this side of heaven will always have an element of fear, and God knows this. He also makes it clear in His Word that the way to combat fear is to look to him, relying not on our own strength, but in the strength that He gives us for every situation we face. If you find yourself consumed with anxiety, spend time meditating and reflecting on the following Bible verses to combat fear: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10, NIV God acknowledges that we will face fear, but He also commands us to not give in to the feeling of fear. The reason we can do this is because He provides us with the strength and help we need; he takes us by the hand and lifts us. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff; they comfort me. – Psalm 23:4, NIV Psalm 23 is perhaps one of the most popular Psalms, with Bible verses about fear that have encouraged Christians throughout the centuries. When we are feeling overwhelmed by tough circumstances, we can affirm the words of the Psalmist: God is with us to combat fear, and, just like fearful sheep rely on their shepherd to guide them, we too can lean on our great Shepherd, who knows all our needs. The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom [...]

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