How to Manage Anger in a God-Honoring Way

We all get angry. To be human is for things with friends or family, or situations around us, to stir up emotions within us. There are unhealthy ways to manage our anger, such as we stuff and pretend we are not upset. Or we can blow up, yell at our spouse, the children, or the dog, and leave a trail of emotionally broken glass.

When we do not properly deal with our anger it only gets worse. Our repression of anger can lead to health issues. We can develop muscle and back problems and experience increased heart rates. Anger can also affect our mental health. To deny you get angry is to lie to yourself.

But blowing up on those around us is also just as bad. Our outbursts can escalate, they can become more frequent, or we might find ourselves going off on smaller and smaller things.

Though we all get angry, Ephesians 4 tells us, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (vs. 26-27, NIV) This means we must manage our anger in healthy and productive ways.

Often, we are angry, and we do not know why. It could be something on the news, the dog misbehaving, or a child not checking in like they are supposed to. While that might be what our ire (or silent seething) is focused on, it is often not why we are upset.

To be able to manage our anger healthily, we must identify why we feel mad. Anger is a masking emotion. It covers up feelings of vulnerability, sadness, disappointment, or resentment (among others). To get at why we are angry, we need to identify what we are feeling.

One easy way to unpack our anger is journaling. When you feel your blood pressure rising, tears building, when you catch yourself saying something mean, go figure out why.

Start with, ”I am angry…” then let yourself free write. Set a timer for ten minutes and get the gunk out.

Journals should be safe places. It should be a place where you can be real without having to worry about others reading it. If you feel more comfortable, write on loose pages, and then shred or burn them after. The point is it get it out. Start with what triggered you.

I am angry Sarah forgot her lunch again. It is okay if why you are angry might seem trivial. Remember, you are mining, and you often have to dig through some loose stuff before you hit the goldmine.

Do not sensor! Even if you feel you “shouldn’t” be upset over Sarah forgetting her lunch – admit you are and that it is okay.

You are allowed to feel as you feel. Our emotions are messengers. All you are doing is letting the emotions speak. Denying you are upset, or going off on Sarah, is not productive. Getting quiet with your thoughts and why this irks you.

I am angry Sarah forgot her lunch again – it’s the third time this week. She expects me to just bring her fast food or money like I have nothing else to do all day! 

Ah, now we are getting somewhere – why this makes you angry. If you reach a point but still feel there is more to unearth, ask why does this make me angry? Write until you reach another impasse, then ask why again.

“Why” is the dynamite we are using to excavate further in the mine. It is what allows us to get through walls and finally find the cavern we need.

Eventually, if you allow yourself to be honest, you will get at the behavior that is making you angry or the emotion you are suppressing. Getting to the root allows you to deal with the situation properly – either by talking to the person about their actions, or by admitting how you feel and then letting God work with you through it.

Often, we need another voice to deal with what makes us angry. Even journaling it out might lead to a place we do not know how to move forward from. We might need help figuring out how to talk to someone or deal with overwhelming emotions.

Taking our journals to a counselor is a great way to move beyond our anger. We are here to help. Make an appointment today. Anger is a noose. Dealing with it in a healthy manner is freedom, and a counselor at Loma Linda Christian Counseling can help you do this. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment for anger management therapy.