Relationship Issues Archives | Loma Linda Christian Counseling

Setting Essential Boundaries in Dating

Setting Essential Boundaries in Dating

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:07:12+00:00October 23rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When you start a relationship with someone, you’re in an exciting and at times bewildering period of discovery. Not only are you discovering more about the person you’re with, but you’re also finding out more about yourself. Certain people bring out things in us that other people couldn’t, and so it’s likely that you’re finding out more about yourself too. This is why boundaries in dating are so important. As you embark upon this journey of discovery, you must remain true to who you are even as you explore new possibilities and are stretched. That can be a tricky balance to maintain, but it is important to manage in a relationship. When you’re in love with someone, you can be swept up by your emotions and the sheer weight of your intimacy into situations that compromise you. The value of boundaries. Boundaries matter, and one reason for this is that your individuality matters. You are who you are, with your distinct personality, likes and dislikes, things that energize and deflate you, and so much more. Boundaries help you maintain that integrity so that you don’t become a mere extension of another person. You can remain yourself and be able to meet your needs in the relationship. All healthy relationships need boundaries so that the people in them don’t collapse into one another to become an indistinguishable mass. It’s important to set healthy boundaries in dating because that sets the tone for your relationship going forward. If the boundaries you have are unworkable for one or both of you, then it’s likely that you will have the same issue later in your relationship. Some boundaries to set when dating. You can set boundaries around different areas of your life. Sometimes you don’t know that you already have a boundary until [...]

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Practical Tips for Repairing Broken Family Relationships

Practical Tips for Repairing Broken Family Relationships

Sandra Stein2024-09-28T12:00:20+00:00October 3rd, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A broken family is a family that is not functioning the way it did when it was originally formed. The connection between family members has been ruptured, causing pain and instability. Most commonly, this is the result of divorce, separation, or death, but it can also refer to a dysfunctional family in which parents are not good role models, family members are hostile toward one another, and there is conflict and estrangement even though the family unit is physically intact. Do we know our poor people? Do we know the poor in our house, in our family? Perhaps they are not hungry for a piece of bread. Perhaps our children, husband, wife, are not hungry, or naked, or dispossessed, but are you sure there is no one there who feels unwanted, deprived of affection? – Mother Teresa Family units are meant to provide a foundation of support and love. Studies indicate that well-adjusted children are more likely to come from intact, happy homes. However, they also indicate that the emotional climate in the home has a greater effect on the development of a child’s personality than does its structure. Children who come from intact but dysfunctional families can experience the same or even more severe adjustment issues than children coming from broken homes. Growing up in a broken family and being exposed to fractures in family bonds and experiences arising from toxic family dynamics can leave lasting imprints on a child’s heart and mind. These things shape perspectives and impact future relationships in profound ways. Common causes of broken families Divorce or separation. Death of a family member. Changes in living arrangements. Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Poor communication. Addiction. Mental health issues. Financial hardship. Differing political or religious beliefs. Failure to respect boundaries. Disrespect. Unmet expectations and/or misunderstandings. [...]

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Bible Verses About Marriage: Characteristics of a Godly Union

Bible Verses About Marriage: Characteristics of a Godly Union

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-28T12:00:05+00:00August 23rd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Getting married is a huge commitment and whether a marriage is a happy and thriving one depends on different factors. There has been a significant shift in marriage in recent decades with some people questioning the necessity and relevance of marriage. There are many relevant Bible verses about marriage that may be applied. The length of a marriage is not necessarily proof of a happy and thriving marriage. Yet when couples divorce within a few years of getting married, it can be proof that something has gone fundamentally wrong. Christian couples should endeavor to have long and happy marriages. The chances of achieving this are high if they involve God from the very beginning of their marriages. Bible Verses about Marriage Marriage is a relationship involving two people. The direction it takes depends on the spouses’ willingness and ability to work together for a common purpose: a long and happy marriage. Here are Bible verses to help us understand God’s will for marriage. Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? – 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, NIV One of the most important things of which to be mindful is to look for someone with whom you are compatible. Compatibility in thiscontext does not imply sameness. Instead, it connotes the sharing of similar values, principles, beliefs and most importantly the ability to reach amicable agreements when differences arise. Most people have different views on topics like finances, parenting styles, and setting boundaries with extended family members. These are topics that most couples often face. If you marry someone to whom you are not equally yoked in [...]

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5 Key Toxic Traits in a Relationship

5 Key Toxic Traits in a Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:09:07+00:00August 4th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Family Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The key to a happy life is to have functional and satisfying relationships. Relationships meet important needs such as finding comfort, receiving support, and being able to love and be loved by others. Your work could be going great, but if your relationships are falling apart, constantly embroiled in conflict, or exhibiting toxic traits, you probably won’t feel like you’re flourishing. Having healthy relationships is an important human need we all need to get fulfilled. A person can get trapped in an unhealthy relationship for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, it’s a close relationship like a mother-daughter relationship, or it’s a broken relationship between siblings. You don’t choose your family, and you can find yourself in difficult situations that are hard to escape. In other cases, you can be caught in an unhealthy relationship like a marriage, and children are involved. Extricating yourself from that dynamic is often difficult. Unhealthy relationships can develop over time, or there can be a rapid shift in the relationship caused by something like a chronic illness. Whatever the case may be, being able to tell when a relationship is toxic is helpful. Those warning bells should get you moving toward addressing the issues in the relationship. Signs of a toxic relationship. You might be in a toxic relationship if you see or experience the following: You feel tired or drained after interacting with that person. You feel resentful of the person, but you don’t feel comfortable expressing your feelings. Your self-esteem and sense of worth have taken a dip or dive since the other person came into your life. You’re stressed and overwhelmed, and part of the reason is the sheer amount of time and energy that you pour into the relationship. You feel isolated from other people, and unhappy about your current [...]

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Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness in Motherhood

Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness in Motherhood

Valeria Arias, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:40:21+00:00July 22nd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development, Women’s Issues|

Motherhood alters your identity. No longer are you an individual, only responsible for your needs, wants, and whims. As a mother, you become responsible for another person and everything he or she needs. That includes physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs as well as teaching them how to grow. That is a big responsibility, and one liable to loneliness. Handling this responsibility paired with the effects of shifting your entire identity can be challenging. Many times, it leaves moms feeling lonely. This loneliness is not necessarily indicative of being alone (although that can be part of it), but it stems from the isolation many women feel as they walk through this process. If you are a mother experiencing loneliness, you should know that you are not alone. Many women feel the same way. This loneliness is not inevitable. There are simple, practical things you can do to combat loneliness. But first, you need to understand it. Are moms really lonely? Identifying and understanding loneliness in moms is challenging because it often seems like moms are never actually alone. But we cannot equate loneliness with whether there are other people around you. Loneliness is more of a feeling than a physical presence. Loneliness stems from a gap that people feel between the connection and support they desire and what they perceive having in their actual life. It is the feelings associated with this gap that create and breed loneliness. For moms, this gap can be felt for a variety of reasons: Constant caring for children. Juggling caring for children with work. Feeling overwhelmed. Lacking time to connect with other people on a meaningful level. Exhaustion limiting ability to connect with people. Struggling to find people that they can connect with. In a Harvard study from 2020, 51% of moms with [...]

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Moving from Unrighteous Anger to Righteous Anger: Bible Verses About Anger

Moving from Unrighteous Anger to Righteous Anger: Bible Verses About Anger

Kate Motaung2024-11-07T12:09:10+00:00July 7th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Do you experience righteous or unrighteous anger? When you experience anger, it shapes how you relate to it and how you act when you’re angry. Having an angry parent that acts out can provide an unhealthy blueprint for how to deal with anger when you grow up. Thankfully, that blueprint isn’t something you’re destined to follow; it’s possible to overcome what’s been modeled for you and deal with life’s circumstances in a healthy way, with the help of these Bible verses about anger. For some people, anger is a part of themselves that they keep shut away from public view. This may be because they struggle to deal with conflict, or because they fear what may happen if they get angry and let that anger loose. One possible result of holding anger back in this way is that it can affect their mental and physical health, and that’s to say nothing of the resentment toward others that often accompanies repressed anger. For others, their anger is often in full view, and they hold nothing back. When they are angry, everyone knows it. Perhaps they regret the things they’ve said and done in anger, or they may feel justified for giving full vent to their anger and see nothing wrong with expressing that anger in colorful ways. Typically, venting your anger can cause you to say and do hurtful things, compromising or even breaking relationships. Your relationship with anger may color how you read Bible verses about anger; maybe it strikes you as odd that God gets angry because you see anger as an evil thing. Perhaps being told to control your anger seems like an impossible command – one that you feel stifles a part of your identity. Bible Verses About Anger Whatever your history and relationship with anger, [...]

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